You're Grounded Skit

J: Chrissy is watching TV.

D: Chrissy, please turn off the TV. We need to have a talk. 

J: About what?

D: Your basketball coach called.

J: Oh great. What did he want?

D: Ahhh! So it sounds like you know why he called.

J: Well, if he were calling to change practice or something, you wouldn't want to have a talk. You'd just tell me.

D: He says that you have an attitude and it's affecting the team.

J: Well he keeps taking me out of the game for no reason.

D: He says that when you have to come out that you say mean things and mumble under your breath.

J: Well he's the worst coach. He doesn't even realize how great I am.

D: Apparently that's what you said to one of the other players.

J: So? It's true.

D: Even if it were true, and I'm not sure it is. You can't get away with that kind of an attitude. We didn't raise you that way. Now, I'm going to have to discipline you.

J: Fine, how long Warden?

D: How long?

J: Yeah. How long am I grounded? 

D: How long? You've got the wrong idea. We're not talking about how long. I'm not interested in grounding. I'm interested in teaching you something.

J: Come on Dad. Let's not try to be too creative here. Just tell me what my sentence is so I can start serving it. Then I can get on with my life.

D: Your sentence?

J: Yeah. You need help deciding how long? Come on. You're the parent. Isn't this in chapter one of the parenting manual?

D: I've decided what your discipline is going to be. Your next game is tomorrow.

J: Right.

D: I want you to think of three kind things you can say to your coach.

J: Kind? Like what? How about this, "Uh Coach, your hair is falling out in interesting patterns?

D: No. The way you're treating him is wrong. I want you to think of three kind things to say to him.

J: That's kind of impossible.

D: It's possible and I want you to work on it and report back to me.

J: Hey coach, just wanted to let you know that your legs look good in those shorts. Now I know where all the hair on your head went.

D: You know Chrissy. Those comments aren't helpful to even say to yourself. 

J: Yes they are.

D: No they're not. You need to learn some things about life and about how to treat other people. I'm your dad and It 's my job to teach it somehow.

J: Wouldn't it be easier just to ground me?

D: I suppose it would but I'm trying to get you to change.

J: Change? That thought never occurred to me.